Alvin Lai

Image from virginia.edu

Chancing on the Financial Times article published in the Straits Times titled "Bluffing's the name of the game", by author Lucy Kellaway, I thought it would be timely to discuss the whole process of remembering names. Especially since it was personally relevant at a barbecue as recently as last evening.

The author Lucy aptly highlights the importance of remembering names as a form of courtesy and career advancement, since business is all about relationships.

I believe that it would be highly relevant to you, my reader too :)

Some of the points suggestions cited were:

1. Repeating the name - may help, she says but it feels very American and even hypocritically 'fake' in an asian context. I personally disagree. When you repeat the person's name, you are actively making an effort to ensure that you get his/her name right the first time round. This not only shows a sincere interest in the person but also saves you further embarrassment when you reintroduce him/her to another with a wrong name. A sincere interest in others transcends all cultures. The former American president Bill Clinton nicely portrays this with his sincere interest in others coupled with two handed handshakes and elbow contact. A similar CNN excerpt illustrates this.

2. Using mnemonics - Lucy suggests taking the first letter of the name and associating it with a suitable animal beginning with the same letter. Not only is it difficult to hold an intelligent conversation while deciding if this Steven's a snake or a stork, but what's to stop you from confusing him with a Simon or Shawn in future after you've decided that he's a stork? Mnemonics have been a powerful tool in helping me remember names, and the trick is not to restrict yourself in using animals or any single category per se. I would never be able to remember Chinese names of brief acquaintances I've met during Japanese baito without the use of mnemonics. One example would be a funky guy called Yong Zhong I met. As funky as he could get, it was difficult to remember Chinese names, but just mentally picturing him in the middle of 2 pillars allow me to come up with a mnemonic "always middle", which also relates to Yong Zhong in Chinese. A whacky memorable mnemonic goes a long way. Controversy helps.

3. Other tips - include associating a person with a body/facial feature (which doesn't help if he/he doesn't look too distinctive), logging stuff into a PDA (looking weird if you're attempt to enter the name on the spot or easily forgetting to do so right after and back to square one) and of course eating healthy, exercising regularly, sleeping well for a healthy body mind and memory.

So what's the best way?

I've found a combination of points 1 and 2 to work well. By repeating the name and enunciating it several times, not only do you exude an interest in the other person with an effort to get his name right, it also serves to help come up with a mnemonic. Similarly for Chuan Yun, whom I met last evening, just reiterating the name a few times made me think of her donning a FedEX uniform delivering a parcel as Chuan Yun sounds like "pass transport" when literally translated from Chinese.

I also gave Yang Jun, also known as Steve a controversially alternate add on name - Stiff Steve, which brought much joy and laughter to the Japanese Studies Society club we're all in, just simply because it rhymes.

Remembering names can be fun too!

It's unfortunate that Lucy has to decide that bluffing's the name of the game of remembering names (oops haha), to always bluff, play around and wait for a clue to jog your memory for the person you've met not too long ago.

I think honesty's the best policy here. When you sheepishly admit that you've forgotten a name, not only the accompanying guilt helps you better remember the name, but it also shows that respect the person, not taking him on a ride, treating him like a fool and playing along with him just to get clues of who he really is. It's far worse to be found out and trust me, it's not worth the risk.